Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
