wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
