What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
