Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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