idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
