had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
