Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
