you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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