The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
