I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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