i think my tv is drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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