I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
