kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
