I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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