yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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