And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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