please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
