No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
