I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
