I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
