Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
