Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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