saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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