he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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