Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
