My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
