My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
