u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
