Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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