Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We talked him into tasing himself.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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