made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
