i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
