see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
