Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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