sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
