So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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