All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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