when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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