he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
