There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My pussy is not your playground.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
