Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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