We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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