y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
