DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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