recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
