i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
