he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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