take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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