i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
