So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
