When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
