You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
