But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
