why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
