last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
